"I am failing at life. But it's kinda fun."

guitar progress: I’m playing 8-10 of my favorite worship/secular songs and {as a singer} it’s so much fun to be able to accompany myself. I’m kind of giving up hope on any B chords or bar chords in general in the near future. I can’t BELIEVE I’m going to have to play in front of people—leading worship no less—in such a short time! God help me.

jobs fiascos to date: 3. After a stunning 1 week of employment at the coffeeshop, a botched attempt to try an internship at my church that I never asked God about beforehand {Doh!}, and a show choir position I couldn’t bring myself to apply for... I’m still unemployed. In volunteer news, I have primed, painted, and repainted almost all the shutters on my grandma’s house. She has a lot of shutters.Technically yesterday she tried to give me $20 as I left so I may begin using that in my employment status in future blog updates.

 other news: I am becoming more and more convinced that God speaks to us everyday in all of our surroundings. This workweek {another week of being at home with the dogs while everyone else in my family…heck, in my life…is gone at work or school} and I began to feel very guilty and spoiled. I see people all around me who’s life decisions are being made for them by their circumstances. They have to work to pay bills, take any job they can get, and make the most of it. I cannot for the life of me understand why I have the luxury of waiting for God. If my parents had half a brain they would kick their grown, 22-year old, unemployed daughter out of their basement. But by some strange grace, I don’t even think that thought has crossed their minds. Anyways, after Monday’s pity party {which none of you showed up to, by the way…} this is what God has been speaking into my life:

from Our Daily Bread (October 4^th): Keeping busy? People who are trying to be friendly sometimes ask, “Are you keeping busy?” The question seems harmless, but in my mind it carries a subtle message. Beneath the surface is a test of personal value. If I can’t rattle off a list of things I have to do, I feel as if I’m admitting that I’m not worth much. But does God determine our value by how busy we are? Does He calculate our worth by how much we accomplish? Does He reward us for living on the edge of exhaustion and not taking care of ourselves? One of the first verses I learned as a child was Matthew 11:28, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” It didn’t mean much to me at the time because I didn’t understand weariness. But now that I’m older, I feel the temptation to keep pace with the world so I won’t be left behind. But followers of Jesus don’t have to live like that. Not only has He released us from slavery to sin but also from the bondage of having to prove our worth. Accomplishing a lot for God may make us feel important, but what MAKES us important to God is what we allow Him to accomplish in us—conforming us into the image of His Son (Rom. 8:28-30). Our value is not measured by what we do for God but by what He has done in us.

excerpt from today’s When Wallflowers Dance bible study: Life can sometimes be like standing in line. You get all your stuff together. Pack a snack. Choose the appropriate path. Muster up your patience. Square your determination. And wait to be next. A great lesson comes to those who spend the good part of a lifetime waiting on different things. Sometimes you have all your papers and the necessary credentials, you are in exactly the right line at exactly the right time, but you still have to wait. An agonizing wait. An I-wonder-if-I’m-in-the-right-line wait. A much longer wait than you had expected. All the time, you may be in the right place, facing the right direction, but maybe it’s just not your turn yet.

OOOooohK God I hear ya.