"This blog readership thing is kind of offensive."

Before I air the grievance behind this blog post, I did want to give a quick [and by quick I mean, "bulleted-list-quick"] update on life since getting back.

• I still love being home.
• I have a short-term, full-time job that started 3 days after I got home. Praise God. 
• The Lord has provided money for my student loans for the 2 months since getting home. Praise God again.
• I am very sick [but finally on the upswing after a month back in the US]. Turns out I came home with parasites and a staph infection on my face. The bugs are out of my stomach but staph is a stubborn thing and still isn't cleared up yet. "OOOh, what does it look like?" you ask? Like zits. Like a gonna-be-23 year old with acne. Awesome, right?
• I got an allergic reaction to my IV antibiotic used to clear up said staph infection. Stopped digesting my food. EW. Flattened my immune system. Also caught a regular bug that has turned into a full-blown, miss-four-days-of-work, chest cold, leaving me easily winded and sounding like a smoker of 60+ years.
• I've stopped asking, "Why me, God?" and realized, "Why not me, God?" is a better approach, after wise counsel from a friend.
• It's getting better.

So, that life lately. Ok. Now back to my point.

Yesterday I ran into someone I haven't seen in months, and as I excitedly began telling her about how I don't have food allergies anymore, she said, "OH yes I know!--I read your blog."

And I felt almost...sad. Disappointed? Yes. Disappointed. 

When my youngest sister, Challie, was born [I was 10] I called all of my friends to tell them the exciting news. Except it turned out that the friend I called first somehow managed to call ALL of my other friends to tell them my exciting news before I did. So, every friend I subsequently talked to told me, in one form or another, "Oh yeah, Ashley told me."

So, it kind of felt like that when my friend said she knew already because she'd read my blog.

What's my point? Well, blogspot.com gives it's bloggers "Stats"--how many page views they've had today, yesterday, ever, comments left, etc. It seems my numbers are way out of proportion: like thousands of blog views and 5 comments. Specifically, 5 comments by the same 3 people. I guess it's possible that the other hundred or so people just had absolutely nothing to say. It's possible.

This isn't meant to be a selfish, narcissistic rant. Some days it excites me that someone [other than my mom and obligatory friends] read this blog...other days it horrifies me. Sometimes blogging is liberating. Sometimes it feels like purposefully leaving my diary open in the middle of a crowded room. I understand that it's my choice to put these things out "on the web." And that's how a blog works---someone posts their personal thoughts publicly, signs their name on it, gives it a title, and even leave an About Me page to go along with it. And in exchange their readers get to sneak in and out of the blog, anonymous and unseen, digesting the thoughts and dreams of the writer, and... that's it. That's the tradeoff. 

It is the equivalent of someone inviting you over to see their new house---but instead of setting up a time to visit, you sneak into the house unannounced, sneak a peek at all the rooms, use the bathroom [don't flush], and sneak out before telling the owner you ever came over in the first place. 

I know that's how MySpace and Facebook and other internet sites have trained us to behave: to creep on anyone and everyone, knowing what they did last weekend and his/her latest haircut despite not having seen him/her in years. 

But it's kind of rude and that's not real life. 

So, next time you stop by my "house" would you let me know what you think? Love the kitchen? Hate what I did to the master bedroom? Wish I'd change the carpet?

Do you think cyberworld is getting a little impersonal too? Or maybe you can't believe that God can heal like I said I've experienced...

Most of the fun of blogging is the sharing part. Dialogue-ing. So, Welcome. Let me know you've stopped by. Hope to hear from some of you soon :)