So after my blog on selfishness a few weeks ago, I knew it was time for an attitude adjustment. About my work predicament, anyway. I was going to stop being so proud. Be more patient. Surrender my motives.
Thing is, when you're aiming for humility you don't become more humble. You get humbled. [They sound similar, but the latter is usually more painful, embarrassing, and all around unpleasant.]
Last Thursday, for example. It was the end of a pretty busy day and after the lobby closed my two coworkers and I got a chance to chat about the day. Somehow we got on the subject of faith. I thought, "Ooh, here I go, God!" I started sharing with them about the internship I'm starting, my excitement and reservations, and eventually that I feel my faith has really grown in the past year in a large part to my time spent in the Dominican Republic.
I thought I'd bring out the "big guns" and I began telling them a particularly intense encounter I had watching a demon possessed girl at a church service one night. I shared about how I saw her flail around, overpower a man 3x her size, and eventually fall lifeless on the ground at the front of the church aisle. [I could tell by my coworkers' faces that I was quickly moving from 'friendly new girl' to 'crazy Bible thumper' but I had to keep going]. I thought for SURE I'd get their attention when I told them about how the pastor began ordering the demon in the name of Jesus to leave the church as the girl's limp body began rolling down the church aisle on its own.
The second after I finished my story--half breathless, eyes wide--awaiting their responses, I heard...
*turns to other coworker* "So, will my time off next Friday still count as paid vacation?"
That was it. It was like I had never spoken. I would have taken flagrant disbelief over that. Call me a crazy person before you blatantly ignore me, please. My mind was racing.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I'm quitting. I hate it here. What just happened? That was supposed to be a shock and awe story! What. the. HELL.
And then I sat behind my teller line and counted the same stack of one hundred, one dollar bills until I was certain my angry tears were no longer in danger of falling out of my eyes. I thought of at least 10 great one-liners that would have stopped them in their tracks for their rudeness...but on second thought I realized none of them would be conducive to my further employment. [dang].
After 5 weeks of politely eating up their dating, relationship, and life advice [from not-so Godly people] with a spoon, it's hard to explain how I was feeling [and not have you think less of me for the expletives I would inevitably have to use to describe it].
That's how it works? They don't know how much they hurt me, and I'll never tell them. I feel like God wants me to know that it's OK that only He knows how it made me feel. I'd like to think at the end of my story that afternoon, as I frantically counted [and recounted...and REcounted] my cash, He whispered,
"Thank you for telling them what you saw. That's all you can do, my girl."
Thing is, when you're aiming for humility you don't become more humble. You get humbled. [They sound similar, but the latter is usually more painful, embarrassing, and all around unpleasant.]
Last Thursday, for example. It was the end of a pretty busy day and after the lobby closed my two coworkers and I got a chance to chat about the day. Somehow we got on the subject of faith. I thought, "Ooh, here I go, God!" I started sharing with them about the internship I'm starting, my excitement and reservations, and eventually that I feel my faith has really grown in the past year in a large part to my time spent in the Dominican Republic.
I thought I'd bring out the "big guns" and I began telling them a particularly intense encounter I had watching a demon possessed girl at a church service one night. I shared about how I saw her flail around, overpower a man 3x her size, and eventually fall lifeless on the ground at the front of the church aisle. [I could tell by my coworkers' faces that I was quickly moving from 'friendly new girl' to 'crazy Bible thumper' but I had to keep going]. I thought for SURE I'd get their attention when I told them about how the pastor began ordering the demon in the name of Jesus to leave the church as the girl's limp body began rolling down the church aisle on its own.
The second after I finished my story--half breathless, eyes wide--awaiting their responses, I heard...
*turns to other coworker* "So, will my time off next Friday still count as paid vacation?"
That was it. It was like I had never spoken. I would have taken flagrant disbelief over that. Call me a crazy person before you blatantly ignore me, please. My mind was racing.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I'm quitting. I hate it here. What just happened? That was supposed to be a shock and awe story! What. the. HELL.
And then I sat behind my teller line and counted the same stack of one hundred, one dollar bills until I was certain my angry tears were no longer in danger of falling out of my eyes. I thought of at least 10 great one-liners that would have stopped them in their tracks for their rudeness...but on second thought I realized none of them would be conducive to my further employment. [dang].
After 5 weeks of politely eating up their dating, relationship, and life advice [from not-so Godly people] with a spoon, it's hard to explain how I was feeling [and not have you think less of me for the expletives I would inevitably have to use to describe it].
That's how it works? They don't know how much they hurt me, and I'll never tell them. I feel like God wants me to know that it's OK that only He knows how it made me feel. I'd like to think at the end of my story that afternoon, as I frantically counted [and recounted...and REcounted] my cash, He whispered,
"Thank you for telling them what you saw. That's all you can do, my girl."
No comments:
Post a Comment