"Discipleship gets me worked up."

I write because it allows me to take the wispy, intangible thoughts and intuitions of my mind and make them more concrete. More true. More applicable. Thus:

Recently I find myself in a new town complete with a new job, new house, new routine, and new budget. Most bittersweet has been the new church.

My thoughts keep drifting back to the womens' Bible study I left in Mitchell. We met on Tuesdays and went through Scripture, chapter by chapter, starting in Hebrews through Jude and skipping back to Romans. I was the baby of the group by 20 solid years. But it was a group full of wisdom, love, encouragement, laughter, and adoptive aunts. There are things I know now as a 23 year old woman that I could only have gleaned from those women with so much more life experience and biblical knowledge than me.

A mentor can be a beautiful thing; the church invented mentoring. Actually, it was called discipleship before the secular world got their hands on the idea and added seminars, internships, trainings, and succession plans to the mix. (In fact, in my own personal experience I've found the secular world to have embraced the idea and taken it further than the church, though I don't think that's universally true. Just my experience).

As a young Christian--in both years and experience--I've taken a few risks. Basically I had a lot of curiosity, free time, and zeal. I've volunteered and lived in different countries and states, taking opportunities as they presented themselves. However, many times when I stepped out on the proverbial limb...I found myself teetering and alone.

I sometimes observed people so busy applauding and patting individuals on the back for stepping out into leadership that they were too occupied to simply take the hands of those willing people and help them in the day-to-day realities of leadership. Personally this showed itself through instances like: "Kayla, that is so great you're doing a youth internship! You're going to be a great leader!," but when I walked into the classroom for Sunday School I was alone. My first times in Sunday School (I wasn't a Christian growing up) was as the teacher! "Unprepared" is a gross understatement. OR: "I can't believe you're moving to Minneapolis for an unpaid internship! God is going to use you!" But I found myself 4 hours from home with so little personal and professional direction that it left me in a significant 4 month depression.

There seems to be an assumption (especially in ministry) that zeal for the Lord is a acceptable replacement for Bible knowledge in itself.  That a profound conversion experience makes up for developed character or Scripture memorization. That if your intention is to do "good," that it will all work out--even for lack of training. I know I've volunteered like that. Feeling that since I was so eager and genuinely trying to serve God,  my lack of Scripture knowledge, feeble discernment, or inexperience wouldn't really matter. But it does. Zeal could only take me so far. The willingness to step out into leadership didn't automatically make me an effective leader. I wasn't aware of my need to spend the time under the guidance of a mentor--under my Christian elders.

Mostly I've seen my 'teetering' experiences as a result of an urgent need for volunteers and leaders. Sometimes churches and ministries and organizations are so in need of warm bodies that people are thrown into roles without adequate training. I don't think it should be like this, but I understand why it happens. When I liken it to the job market, the idea is ludicrous. When I worked for US bank for example, my manager (even though they were short-handed for a week while I sat in an office and studied my training binders) would never have said, "Hey Kayla--why don't you just skip the basic training part? See, we really need a teller now. And I can tell you REALLY want to be a teller, so doesn't matter if you make some pretty big mistakes. You'll get the hang of it."

This would NEVER be acceptable! Yet I've seen it happen in churches. Often.

On the flip side, I've received great mentoring in the church, as well. For the past year and a half I co-led a group of 8th/9th grade girls in a Wednesday night youth group under the supervision and partnership of my beloved friend, Ramona. A woman with enough experience and Bible knowledge to sit me with my nose in the corner and lead the group herself each week--but instead, she asked for my opinion, input, perspective, and ideas. She would allow me to steer the group and took the reins when I went off-track without belittling or discouraging me. She is a woman diligently leaving a legacy of faith and leadership.

I write all of the this to say that I have a holy discontent with the lack of discipleship I have experienced in the church. It's fueled by a majority of my experiences as a young adult. Because of the times of great mentorship I've been a part of, it spurs me on to see that my lackluster leadership experiences aren't repeated for someone else.

I am so thankful for time spent steeping in the wisdom and experience that can only come from a group of seasoned believers. In this new season I'm hoping to find some more adoptive aunts and uncles. I'm hoping that time spent as the 'mentee/protegé' will gradually transition into 'mentor' status in whatever place I land.