"I make stuff up to write about."

OH have I been waiting for some blog fodder like the happenings of the last few days. Please know that nothing of great interest has been going on in the past few weeks…but I have some things worth telling about, I suppose.

1.) I am a horrible mother! Let me explain. Yesterday morning I woke up, placed two sweet and unassuming dogs [my Mimu and my mom’s dog Ruby] in a portable kennel, and took them to get their baby-makers removed. I got to the vet’s office at 8:00 am and it looked nothing like any office I had ever seen. Between the dingy paint, small hand-written signs, obvious animal scratches on the doors, and the pajama-clad “secretary”, I was afraid that I had mistakenly made an appointment at the set of Saw 8 [or whatever sequel they’re on now]. The vet looked like a lumberjack. Still, I had to trust that he was a doctor despite his fashion sense, and I put my judgmental eyes away.

I picked them up that afternoon and it killed me to see their little shaved bellies and stitches. For a reason still unknown to me, their incision was covered in what appears to be silver spray paint. YES, my tiny innocent little girl was returned to me with sparkly nipples! A harlot. And though she still followed me around here at home all morning, I am sure I can see the wariness in her eyes. I have lost her trust and it’s breaking my heart.

2.) I had a job interview today! At Shopko. Which abruptly ended when I told them I am going on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic November 23^rd-Dec 1^st as they said, “That doesn’t work for us.” They expressed their disappointment and encouraged me to re-apply in 3 months. Yes, perhaps if I am still unemployed in 3 months, I can manage to drag myself out of my depression coma and bring myself to apply to Shopko [dream big!]…again.

3.) I had another job interview today! At Coborn’s grocery this time. First I had to complete a simple math test. I have not done mental multiplication, addition, and subtraction since middle school. I am wondering—what are the chances that all the registers and calculators in the store die at the same time?! Regardless, I got 100%. Woot. THEN I had to complete a screening survey of 171 true/false statements. The instructions read: PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS HONESTLY, NOT AS YOU THINK WE WANT YOU TO ANSWER THEM. Well, over 100 statements of the survey revolved around stealing and reporting stealing at work. Things like, “I have stolen something (including childhood) at least once.” While those were kind of disturbing and an obvious trend, it were statements like, “I occasionally use cocaine with friends” that made me most uneasy. Other favorites were: “It is acceptable to hit a coworker if they hit me first”, “It is okay to steal from work if I know I won’t get caught”, “I am still reading each question thoroughly”, and “I think this survey is a waste of time.” At the end of the survey I had to honestly answer NO to “I definitely want to work here.”  I’m sure I will have to explain my answer but this left me seriously wondering if I was applying to work at a prison or a grocery store.

[also: it is now between I and one other person for the position at the gym. who knew there was so much competition in Mitchell to wash sweaty towels! here’s to hoping.]