Well, I'm learning that it's not always a good thing to share a play-by-play of everything God is showing me, with everyone, all the time. I think sometimes the most beautiful parts of our relationship with the Lord are those private conversations between just Him and oneself. Some of the most beautiful [and trying] times in our relationship with Him are those times when we must wrestle with a decision alone...in front of Him...without outside opinion. {Yes, even without the good, Christian counsel of our loved ones} And then finally God asks us to make a choice before Him alone...before we know for sure if anyone will stand behind us in our decision. Those are the best times.
Plus, that way when you change your mind about something---or God reveals NEW, wonderful revelation to you---you haven't put yourself in a situation where you then have to explain your "change of heart" to 35 of your closest friends via email. oops.
The past two months of my life have been an adventure: a Dominican adventure and a new chapter in my relationship with the Lord. Yet, recounting my final week in the DR, I am realizing, isn't really accomplishing anything other than my deep [and misguided] need to share my 'accomplishments' and experiences that make me feel like an 'exciting' and [consequently] worthwhile, Christian. That is striving and spiritual immaturity on my part, but I'm learning. In all reality, telling you about the prisons, and translating, and plantains, and the friends I made, and the freezing cold showers...I know it makes for great reading. For the past 2 months even I would get a little excited on "Update Days" as I typed out the week's happenings and waited eagerly for the email replies I would receive from you all. But for the 6 days in between "Update Day" every week, I was on my own--living a strange, unfamiliar, and relatively lonely life. And [regardless of how much you care about me and how I'm doing] you all have your own lives here at home to think about, and probably thought about me for 20 minutes a week as you sat down to read my weekly email, and forgot about me until the next Thursday. I want to add: that is perfectly alright and understandable!
And it made me think, "If I wasn't sharing my experiences with people back at home, if no one witnessed what I'm doing in the DR, if they didn't encourage me and praise me every week, would it be enough? If the only one who saw and cared about what I'm doing is God, do I still want to do it?"
At this moment, I don't know if I would.
The day before I arrived in SD, I received an email asking me if I would be willing to accept a job opportunity at the Chiropractic Center for Healthy Living in Mitchell, upon coming home. It is a temporary, 4-8 week, full-time receptionist job with some employee perks. I took it! After 17 turned down job applications in the fall, the Lord's hand was undoubtedly in this. I arrived back to the US on a Thursday, and went into work on Monday. It's providing financial resources I desperately need. It's a huge answer to prayer. {Remember when I said I would NOT be looking for a job? Well...I didn't!}
The Lord also gave me another gift upon coming home: A NEW HEART.
I'll be honest: when I decided to stay in the DR after 9 days in November, it was as much to run away from something as it was to go toward something new. There has always been a part of me that resented the fact that I was born in small-town South Dakota. There's nothing extraordinary about Mitchell. Living in your parents' basement doesn't exactly qualify as an adventure. I didn't brag to everyone I met that I have held down the same job at the pool every summer since I graduated high school. And I was NOT going to find a local boyfriend and eventually become a farmer's wife! It was a far too humble life for my taste.
Then I got home last week.
Want to know something extraordinary about Mitchell? I can't go ANYWHERE in town without running into someone I know. And we make small-talk...in English. It's a town full of people I love and who care about me. I have a car in Mitchell and people follow traffic laws, it only takes 15 minutes to cross town, and I've never have to ride side-saddle on a moped in a skirt on Foster Ave. I can wear earrings, pants, or mascara at work with a clear conscience before God and men and without anyone questioning my faith. Also, my parents' adventure-less basement is also free, comes with hot water, memories, laundry machine, my puppy, and a family I'm absolutely crazy about. Oh yeah--I got that old, familiar summer job back with a 2 sentence email because I have a great relationship with my old boss. And, well, I haven't gotten very far with the boyfriend-thing.
I've never felt peace like this. I never could have anticipated I would feel like this upon coming back to SD. I have fallen in love with home, for the first time. And it's not because I'm afraid of life on the mission field. God's just showing me that He already put me in a mission field...[at least for now]...where I already know the culture and language. Where I look like everyone else, I see the world in the same way, and I have a history with the people. Where I can walk confidently with my Lord and Savior without having to be half way around the world, in the midst of an adventure "on the mission field." Where life is blessed but I don't have to feel guilty about it. Where I don't have to prove how Christian I am by moving to a foreign country and disowning my blessed, privileged life in the US.
I didn't know how much He had changed my heart, until I went back home--and though everything was different--nothing had changed but me.
In the meantime, I am on the mission field. And I'm at peace with the 'boring', 'ordinary' life I'm leading.
Thanks for walking with me. It is so good to be back.
Plus, that way when you change your mind about something---or God reveals NEW, wonderful revelation to you---you haven't put yourself in a situation where you then have to explain your "change of heart" to 35 of your closest friends via email. oops.
The past two months of my life have been an adventure: a Dominican adventure and a new chapter in my relationship with the Lord. Yet, recounting my final week in the DR, I am realizing, isn't really accomplishing anything other than my deep [and misguided] need to share my 'accomplishments' and experiences that make me feel like an 'exciting' and [consequently] worthwhile, Christian. That is striving and spiritual immaturity on my part, but I'm learning. In all reality, telling you about the prisons, and translating, and plantains, and the friends I made, and the freezing cold showers...I know it makes for great reading. For the past 2 months even I would get a little excited on "Update Days" as I typed out the week's happenings and waited eagerly for the email replies I would receive from you all. But for the 6 days in between "Update Day" every week, I was on my own--living a strange, unfamiliar, and relatively lonely life. And [regardless of how much you care about me and how I'm doing] you all have your own lives here at home to think about, and probably thought about me for 20 minutes a week as you sat down to read my weekly email, and forgot about me until the next Thursday. I want to add: that is perfectly alright and understandable!
And it made me think, "If I wasn't sharing my experiences with people back at home, if no one witnessed what I'm doing in the DR, if they didn't encourage me and praise me every week, would it be enough? If the only one who saw and cared about what I'm doing is God, do I still want to do it?"
At this moment, I don't know if I would.
The day before I arrived in SD, I received an email asking me if I would be willing to accept a job opportunity at the Chiropractic Center for Healthy Living in Mitchell, upon coming home. It is a temporary, 4-8 week, full-time receptionist job with some employee perks. I took it! After 17 turned down job applications in the fall, the Lord's hand was undoubtedly in this. I arrived back to the US on a Thursday, and went into work on Monday. It's providing financial resources I desperately need. It's a huge answer to prayer. {Remember when I said I would NOT be looking for a job? Well...I didn't!}
The Lord also gave me another gift upon coming home: A NEW HEART.
I'll be honest: when I decided to stay in the DR after 9 days in November, it was as much to run away from something as it was to go toward something new. There has always been a part of me that resented the fact that I was born in small-town South Dakota. There's nothing extraordinary about Mitchell. Living in your parents' basement doesn't exactly qualify as an adventure. I didn't brag to everyone I met that I have held down the same job at the pool every summer since I graduated high school. And I was NOT going to find a local boyfriend and eventually become a farmer's wife! It was a far too humble life for my taste.
Then I got home last week.
Want to know something extraordinary about Mitchell? I can't go ANYWHERE in town without running into someone I know. And we make small-talk...in English. It's a town full of people I love and who care about me. I have a car in Mitchell and people follow traffic laws, it only takes 15 minutes to cross town, and I've never have to ride side-saddle on a moped in a skirt on Foster Ave. I can wear earrings, pants, or mascara at work with a clear conscience before God and men and without anyone questioning my faith. Also, my parents' adventure-less basement is also free, comes with hot water, memories, laundry machine, my puppy, and a family I'm absolutely crazy about. Oh yeah--I got that old, familiar summer job back with a 2 sentence email because I have a great relationship with my old boss. And, well, I haven't gotten very far with the boyfriend-thing.
I've never felt peace like this. I never could have anticipated I would feel like this upon coming back to SD. I have fallen in love with home, for the first time. And it's not because I'm afraid of life on the mission field. God's just showing me that He already put me in a mission field...[at least for now]...where I already know the culture and language. Where I look like everyone else, I see the world in the same way, and I have a history with the people. Where I can walk confidently with my Lord and Savior without having to be half way around the world, in the midst of an adventure "on the mission field." Where life is blessed but I don't have to feel guilty about it. Where I don't have to prove how Christian I am by moving to a foreign country and disowning my blessed, privileged life in the US.
I didn't know how much He had changed my heart, until I went back home--and though everything was different--nothing had changed but me.
In the meantime, I am on the mission field. And I'm at peace with the 'boring', 'ordinary' life I'm leading.
Thanks for walking with me. It is so good to be back.
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