Our Gift //&// Our Undoing

I’m a heinous over thinker. I believe it’s a byproduct of being the oldest of 7 kids. I had no say in the matter; my parents set the stage perfectly. I over think things to the point that they stop being practical, action-oriented objective things.

I’ve spent a lot of time, angst, tears, anger and passion trying to find my ‘calling’. It’s elusive and I’ve given up. It made me sad every day I woke up and put on my (ill-fitting) khakis and went to work, so I gave it up.

Have you ever missed your face for the sake of your nose? I’ve spent so much time looking within and without myself for purpose that I’ve overlooked very obvious gifts and themes in my life.

I love to make people laugh. I recently got an appreciation card from work and I have reread the note about my sense of humor so many times that I should get it tattooed on my arm.

I like best to make people laugh with words. Oral or written. Sung or spoken. Texted or Instagrammed. Blogged or spinning around in my mind. I love to find a new way to describe anything.

I have a deep disdain for the shallow. I’m the employee you ask, “How’s your day going?” who always overlooks the, “I’m good,” answer for, “Well at this moment I want to quit,” instead. Because that’s how I really feel. I’m the over-sharer. I’m the daughter at Easter who tells her mom, “Don’t give me a package of Reese’s eggs in my basket because I’m just going to eat them all and then throw them up in your bathroom. Just give me the $4.95.” And I’m an introvert and achiever and I won’t make time for less.

Lastly, I love Jesus. And somehow in his sovereign grace and redemption He has turned my sharp sarcasm into life-giving humor, my words that used to cut into words that mostly heal, and my deep thinking into something that is life-giving to others and myself instead of condescending and self-righteous.

Before Jesus most of my ‘gifts’ were in fact my undoing.

So I’ve finally got some things stirring around in my wheelhouse. Combined with an undeniable redeemed relationship with food, and a misguided search for ‘purpose', and a newfound belief that being terrible at things is much more fun than being perfect.

I realize this post is more for me, than you this morning—but God uses lots of selfish things for bigger uses. Hopefully He’ll use this too.