Have you ever felt like you had to justify yourself to someone? How about felt like you had to justify yourself to everyone? ENTER: my life.
This week I took on a very part-time job at a local coffee shop in Mitchell to make a little bit of money and meet new people {since, against all my hopes, friendly strangers aren’t coming to my parents’ basement and making friends with me....why not?}. As nice as all the people I am meeting are, unfortunately I find myself across the counter at work from a lot of people that I used to know. Old classmates, teachers, friends’ parents, family friends, etc. and the second we make eye contact I IMMEDIATELY begin thinking of how I'm going to explain why I’m currently working very part-time at a local coffee shop. I can see the wheels turning in their heads while they look at me, probably wondering, “What happened with Kayla? She was such a good student…always thought she was gonna go out and do something.” Or maybe I’m paranoid.
I find myself wanting to say things like:
“I’ve got a really good job offer in the works…I’m just waiting for things to become official.”
“Oh hey—yeah, I graduated from college, Summa Cum Laude, actually. I have a degree in Social Work and Spanish, I just feel like I’m supposed to be in Mitchell right now, you know, being close to family.”
“It’s not that I don’t have any ambition. I am just keeping my options open right now.”
“I’m waiting on God. He isn’t telling me what to do right now, so I thought this might be a good place to wait.”
That’s the truth and short of it. I feel like God wants me here. But everyday that goes by without any change—no new job offer, no new friendship, no news on an internship, no obvious progress—and I get a little more anxious. A little more doubtful. More bitter. Less faithful? It’s been almost 2 months since I resigned myself to staying in Mitchell. Is God telling me something, and I’m just missing it?
If I understand correctly when you went and got your degree that was pretty much all you focussed on school wether it was choir or whatever. As i read that I just felt like God is saying I want you there to catch back up with those you love that you missed out on so much with all the other things you were doing. You weren't wrong in what you did but heres your time to catch up and get to know them for who they really are. That being said I think you are probably already doing some of that. I just think that you haven't done it as much as maybe you really want to? But
ReplyDeleteJeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper not to harm, Plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
That was a verse that popped in my head as i was typing I really want to go to mitchell and have you make me a drink cause I haven't had an espresso drink in quite a while I would like to taste your skills. lol hope all is well my friend. May you see blessings everywhere you look and many places you don't.
thanks rafa. it was definitely a low point for me. God is showing up in really strange ways...but I have to wait for some things to happen before I can tell anyone. Next Thursday and I will be posting something...!
ReplyDeleteI want to work on my latte art :) If you ever find yourself on my half of the country, you'd best be coming over to pull some shots.