I've thought for awhile about starting a blog, but always worried whether or not anyone would bother reading my trivial quips and thoughts. Today, I woke up and didn't fret for a moment about anyone else's opinion...and thus, today I feel I am finally ready to start. Hopefully some day in the near future I will have the energy to elaborate on the recent happenings that have led me to today, because this is NOT that day. {and it's a pretty neat story}. Anyway, it's mostly God's story...though my blog will focus on my mostly small role in it.
I've spent the last 22 years of my life living up to expectations {sometimes imagined} of the world, my parents, my friends, my professors, popular culture, and myself. I've never been to jail--or even detention, for that matter--, never been fired, never failed a test, always been on time, graduated with honors, been a model citizen, and a self-proclaimed teacher's pet. I volunteer, go to church, and respect my elders. And I don't think I've ever REALLY disappointed anyone. Except probably God.
Thing is, I wound my self up so tight in this awful bubble wrap of expectation and performance, that I somehow forgot that WHO I am isn't WHAT I am. And God doesn't care WHAT I am. {dang it}. So, I found myself planning my life this summer, job hunting in Sioux Falls...handing out resume after resume...because that's what good people do when they graduate college, right? I was going to get a job in my field of study, with good benefits, begin saving 25% of every paycheck, and pay back my student loans in record time. I was going to live alone, be near my friends on weekends, begin building my professional wardrobe, take care of my adorable puppy, and begin life as an impressive "adult."
{Forgive me for now, but here's where I need to insert a background story, of sorts} Then I felt God said, "No, Kayla. No move, no 401k, no prestige, no planning. No financial stability, no impressive full-time job, nothing to boast about, at all, really. You are unloving, prideful, and striving. Maybe no one else sees that in you, but I do." {ouch}. "But don't worry my child, we're going to work on all of that. Just be still and listen."
Well, guys, I'm listening. And I'll let you know what I hear. In the meantime, I'm living in my parents' basement in Mitchell, SD. I am brushing up on my Spanish skills and teaching myself the guitar to prepare for a trip to the Dominican Republic in November where I will be translating and leading worship for our team. I am going to let God show me how to love people {even my family!} who hurt me. I am letting God overhaul my priorities. I may even begin building my career as a part-time grocery store clerk. And I'm really going to try to narrate this stage of life with some humor--because the somberness of this first post is just killing me, it is.
Until then.
I've spent the last 22 years of my life living up to expectations {sometimes imagined} of the world, my parents, my friends, my professors, popular culture, and myself. I've never been to jail--or even detention, for that matter--, never been fired, never failed a test, always been on time, graduated with honors, been a model citizen, and a self-proclaimed teacher's pet. I volunteer, go to church, and respect my elders. And I don't think I've ever REALLY disappointed anyone. Except probably God.
Thing is, I wound my self up so tight in this awful bubble wrap of expectation and performance, that I somehow forgot that WHO I am isn't WHAT I am. And God doesn't care WHAT I am. {dang it}. So, I found myself planning my life this summer, job hunting in Sioux Falls...handing out resume after resume...because that's what good people do when they graduate college, right? I was going to get a job in my field of study, with good benefits, begin saving 25% of every paycheck, and pay back my student loans in record time. I was going to live alone, be near my friends on weekends, begin building my professional wardrobe, take care of my adorable puppy, and begin life as an impressive "adult."
{Forgive me for now, but here's where I need to insert a background story, of sorts} Then I felt God said, "No, Kayla. No move, no 401k, no prestige, no planning. No financial stability, no impressive full-time job, nothing to boast about, at all, really. You are unloving, prideful, and striving. Maybe no one else sees that in you, but I do." {ouch}. "But don't worry my child, we're going to work on all of that. Just be still and listen."
Well, guys, I'm listening. And I'll let you know what I hear. In the meantime, I'm living in my parents' basement in Mitchell, SD. I am brushing up on my Spanish skills and teaching myself the guitar to prepare for a trip to the Dominican Republic in November where I will be translating and leading worship for our team. I am going to let God show me how to love people {even my family!} who hurt me. I am letting God overhaul my priorities. I may even begin building my career as a part-time grocery store clerk. And I'm really going to try to narrate this stage of life with some humor--because the somberness of this first post is just killing me, it is.
Until then.
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