I started a new women’s bible study last Tuesday called, When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas {and, so far, I’d recommend it… }. Last night—as I sat and watched the video for week one with a room full of women that I have everything & NOTHING in common with all at the same time—I couldn’t help but envy the joy so apparent in the author/speaker. I am so tired of being bored. I’m sure others are tired of me being boring. I started wondering why I don’t walk around just exploding with joy if I really believe what I say I believe. I am a chosen child of God! At the moment of my salvation, God’s wrath towards me ended! As-if-I’d-never-sinned. He has conquered the grave! Those who seek Him will find life abundant! And not only have I read these Truths, but I have experienced them.
So how can I find any excuse to walk around not shouting that hope to the rest of the world?!
God is showing me that I showed up on the day of my salvation in heels. I guess you could say I accepted my salvation and made SURE I wasn’t going to hell, but in all actuality I never really felt like I had done anything that bad to begin with. Like, “Thanks Jesus, but I pretty much had it covered myself.” God I am SO SORRY!!! :-O That basic {and unacknowledged} assumption left me unforgiving, arrogant, prideful, judgmental, and untransformed for most of my Christian life. I was reading in the Old Testament where it says, “Restore to me the joy of my salvation,” and I realized that I had also robbed myself of that joy. What was there to be joyous about/thankful for if I had my sin taken care of?
Today, I ask the Lord to grant me a second chance at the joy of my salvation. I am so very tired of being bored and mediocre.
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